Eagles Offense Sucks, Dan Quinn Losing Goodwill, Matt GAY's Leg is in The Closet

I am writing this as the Eagles are four minutes into the 2nd quarter and winning 3-0 against the Lions. Let me just say, I thought Jalen Hurts was good last year. This year I think their offense is absolute shit. They have the best offensive line in the league, with one of the best RBs, and two great recievers. Jalen is currently 3-11 for 21 yards passing. LMAO. Dude, he absolute blows and it makes me very happy. All he has are those tree trunk legs, and grown ass men taking hold of his ass, backshotting him over the goal line.

Their defense is elite and they may very well go to the NFCC again. But this game is dragging and it's going to be another shitty boring Eagles game that should never hit primetime - and that's why I grabbed my keyboard.

Anyway, enough about the monotonous kelly green turd of a product they call philly entertainment.

The way I actually wanted to begin this post, was by saying I have been a fan of the Redskins/WFT/Commanders since the Mark Brunnel days. I was ten years old when I fell in love with this team. My first fantasy team I ever made consisted only Cowboys and Redskins players when I was just a wee lad, who knew nothing more than those two teams.

That said, I will never love another team. I will never stop being a fan. If I write something that seems negative about this team, it is because I care so much. It isn't to be toxic, it is constructive criticism. My only experience as a fan (besides Harris takeover) was enduring Dan Snyder. I am allowed to be critical of this fucking team. I have been through hell and high water. I picture it as drowning in the ocean, while Dan Snyder rides his yacht past me - looks and at and laughts - and refuses to throw me a life line. I am a true fan and refuse to listen to any random reader thats tells me to take a hike, or to go be a fan of some other team. Thats chickenshit. Although I appreciate every single reader, that will read anything I put on this website - hater or not. SPOILER: mostly everyone was a hater from my last post to Reddit - which is how I am getting eyes to this website. Either way, I am not writing to appease any bit of the fanbase.

ANYWHO...Redditors are generally angry at my last post to fire Dan Quinn. I don’t blame them entirely. It may seem like I’m sensationalizing and that I’m using the terrible season to my advantage to get eyes on this website I made. I just want a place to put my thoughts to paper. I am not putting ads on my website. I appreciate all eyes I get on this site, because it's cool to get your shit read. It is not to try to make money.

Well now we’ve lost to the Dolphins with a head coach that is basically waiting to lose his job. SIX games in a row. DQ had built up so much goodwill, from last season, coaching the Commanders to the NFCC game. I think that goodwill may be dwindling, and people will start to see my side. He FINALLY took over play calling duties, from shit ass Joe Whitt JUNIOR, against one of the worst teams in the league (that were also 3-7). A team that is 24th in the NFL for overall passing yards. They’re better at running the ball, than passing, with Achane at the helm. Their running offense is still ranked 23rd with 107.2 yard per game. The truth is, he didn’t want to call defensive plays for the gauntlet that was Chiefs, Seahawks, Lions.

We did play better Defense against the Dolphins...but they're the fucking Dolphins. I was texting my Phins friend during the game and he was pretty bummed. He wants McDaniels out of Miami and wants to lose enough to make it happen.

I will say that McDaniels is a pretty decent OC and may have positioned himself well by resurfacing his addiction story. I will only touch this briefly, for now. But I think him giving kudos to DQ, will help him gett the Commanders OC job if Kliff leaves and DQ stays as head coach. That is as much as I will touch this topic for now.

Anyway, I am trying to be reasonable. I don’t think Dan Quinn is a good head coach. I think JD5 played out of his mind last year and we had some lucky breaks during games. I still love Jayden Daniels and believe in him for the future. That only helps my argument for wanting another head coach. We have Jayden heckin Daniels. We need to take advantage of this time as much as possible and not waste it with a coach that is complacent enough to save his job instead of doing all it takes to win (including firing his friend who is a travesty at calling defensive plays. All I want to leave you all with, is he’s losing his goodwill. Let me reiterate, SIX LOSSES IN A FUCKING ROW. That is all on DQ. He remains head coach, despite all the noise coming out of my fingertips.

Now, Matt GAY. I think this guy's leg is still in the closet, because he can't kick worth a shit.

I hope everyone can agree with me that calling for his job is not sensationalism. We have been hurting at the kicking position since the Ron Rivera Era. We cannot secure a kicker and keep recycling random ransakery (Ransackery, verb: the act of a thorough often destructive search)

Matt Gay is 13 of 19 for field goals in the 2025 season. He missed both field goals in the Dolphins game, both over 50 yards. Dude didn't even come close and can't make anything over 49 yards - a crucial range for kickers is 50-60 yards - he lacks this range.

We have had Matt Gay (2025), Austin Seibert (2024), Joey Slye (2023, 2022, 2021), Chris Blewitt (2021) Dustin Hopkins (2015 - 2021), Kai Forbath (2015). I'll stop there. That's 10 years worth of kickers. I missed a few shit fill-ins, but they aren't of importance. The point is, do any of those names REALLY stand out to you? Are any of those kickers really that good? A position that scores points consistently throughout the game is a position that truly matters.

When you think of legendary kickers they're usually on a team for over a decade and consistent as all hell. They won't bat an eye at a 55 yarder. Kickers like Adam Vinatieri, Justin Tucker (AKA Justin untuckit AKA rub tug fiend), Brandon Aubrey, Mason Crosbey, David Akers, etc.

Matt Gay will never be this. Mat Gay is garbage. Matt Gay is a product of ransackery. He can be the nicest guy in the world, i don't give a fuck. I am not looking to make friends with an NFL Kicker. I am looking for a guy who is NAILS. A guy who can calm the heart and the mind. A guy that can boot the ball 50-60 yards and can consistently make 55 yarders. A guy that whose leg isn't still in the closet.

So keep your leg in the closet Matt Gay, in fact, go throw the rest of your body in there too. I am done with you. You are not helping win any games, in fact you are helping us lose games. Which may be good for 2025 for good draft picks to help the rebuild. But he absolutely cannot be on our team in 2026. We actually should try and draft a kicker, go get a young leg. Fuck this shitty recycled trash. Adam Peters needs to stop this ransackery through free agency. It won't help us. It's been dug through time and time again. Let's build from the draft, LIKE HE PROMISED US WHEN HE BECAME GM OF THIS TEAM.

That's my blog post about the Commanders for the week. If this is too negative for you, sack the fuck up. Desperate times call for desperate measures. This team is 3-8, with remaining a schedule that might allow for one or two wins TOPS. Last year was fun as fuck and I want another good football season in my life. We fucking deserve this, our QB is $$$$$. NUT THE FUCK UP, this isn't mean this is what's needed!!!

Thanks for reading.

-snailofahuman